"To be, or what?" Sylvester Stallone.

"Earth: Mostly Harmless." Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

"Man has always assumed that he is more intelligent than dolphins because he has achieved so much--the wheel, New York, wars and so on -- while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But, conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man -- for precisely the same reasons." Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish.

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" Abraham Lincoln.

"When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is." Ayn Rand.

"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should of been more specific". Jane Wagner.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning that's the best they're going to feel all day". Joey Lewis.

"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up". Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad".

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." Robert Frost.

"Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense". Chapman Cohen.

"New Zealanders who leave for Australia raise the I.Q. of both countries." Robert Muldoon, former NZ Prime Minister.

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science in 1949.

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

"But what ... is it good for?" Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, commenting on the microchip, 1968.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found FedEx.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872.

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, 1873.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates, 1981.

Stone's Law: One man's "simple" is another man's "huh?"

Grandpa Charnock's Law: You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

"May your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth with the force of a thousand caramels." (Turkish curse, I think)

"Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun."

"While working one should be committed and not just involved, in a bacon and egg breakfast as an example: The chicken is involved but the pig is committed."

Would your chances of getting hit by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky and say "Storms suck!" ?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives ? (linux fortune)

Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?

Did we fight our way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarians?

If a turtle loses his shell is he naked or homeless ?

"WARNING! The dates in Calender are closer than they appear."

"Las Vegas is a town built on bad mathematics."

"There is nothing friendlier than a wet dog."

"Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents."

"Don't argue with a fool. The spectators can't tell the difference."

"Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and nowhere to go." Epitaph

God, protect me from your followers..., on a bumper sticker

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

I choose to live forever, or die trying to.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn!

"You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."